spark

i can't get past this dish
a pasta dish served cold
i wish and wish
you'd break the mold

the patterns seemed to have been set
i lost the bet it seems
i go through reams of paper
boxing myself even further into the corner
i just want to hold her once
before the pumpkins are harvested
and i walk to work in the dark
and i walk home from work in the dark
i stopped her before we could even start
mumbling something about protecting her heart
spark

This is classic me around this time of the year. Give me space and grace. Peace out.

boxes

the shadows in the night feel so unfamiliar
now that i've unpacked the final box
i choose to walk and walk and walk
trying to tire myself out
i give an internal shout and sit up in bed
with ideas racing through my head
craving sushi
who is she
"to know her is to love her"
and i've lost before i've even started

I finally unpacked the last box.  It only took me 11 months.  Challenge completed.  I've had the same shadow in that corner of my condo the whole time I've lived here and now it's different.  Peace out.

Gaunt

I was happy before I met you
at least that is how I remember things
but how is it I can't stop thinking about you
where are you now?
who are you with?
will we ever be together again?

I have been hungry since I've met you
never satisfied
always wanting more
I cannot be satiated
I have gone gaunt
you are all I want

I'm really just writing this to remind future me that I read "One Day in December" by Josie Silver around this time in my life. I should not be allowed to read romance. Peace out.

for me

for me
loving you has meant it is always raining
not that i am complaining
what is the big deal about getting wet anyways
unless maybe it is on days likes these
where circumstances has gotten me to my knees
and i think that maybe this should be easier
and maybe if you would just be here
and tell me it is going to be okay
and tell me to say what i have been wanting to say
because it will not scare you away

for me
loving you has meant you are always reigning
and i am just your future in training

It feels like it has rained here everyday this summer.  I bought some carrot cake oreos and decided I would save them for a rainy day.  I finished the last one today.  Peace out.

hope

hope is the sharp edge I keep cutting my finger on
it's the song that I play over and over
thinking that it might end differently
that the part after the bridge will change
hope is the thing that messes with my brain
thinking it's romantic to walk in the rain
swinging on planks suspended by chains
and I think maybe 
just maybe I should try again
and again

I was thinking of this piece as I walked to work today. I was thinking about the idea of a hopeless romantic.  Lots of people are romantics and unfortunately more than a few people are hopeless but what makes one a hopeless romantic? I guess I'm proposing it's the inability to learn and the ability to heal just enough for the next cut. Peace out.

Onions

i chased her again as i do
and pierced through the layers
learning about her more and more
as we explored together under the sun
it begun
the process that changes two people to one
there's no going back now
and it's not hyperbole
this is the science of chemistry

So I got it in my head to see what eating a raw onion like an apple would be like. I was able to do two bites before it started to not sit well in my stomach. I gave it some time and tried to take a third bite but by then my brain had caught up with me and I instantly spat it out. I ended up caramelizing the rest of it and eating it with hot dogs.

It made me think of chemical changes. Something changes permanently when you cook it. It becomes something different; something new. And in the case of onions, something a lot more palatable for me. Peace out.

HTFILWA CH 10: Devotion

i tried to prove my devotion
and started throwing rocks into the ocean
the waters began to rise as if in slow motion
and yet i'm nowhere nearer to your heart
but i made a start with this rock
i moved away from talk and showed some action
i need more of you; i want satisfaction
to demonstrate my devotion was extraordinary
that i should be your permanent contemporary

Finally done the book and this mini-project. The last real chapter of the book with new content was about devotion. It made me think of menial/minor tasks that people do to show devotion. What's more idiotic than trying to raise the water level of the ocean by throwing rocks into it?

This book had a central backbone on Arthur Aron's 36 questions. None of them are magical on their own and there's not really any magic in the list. It's about talking about things that matter and learning things about your partner beyond surface level ideas. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 9: Choosing

i was perusing
reading the fine print before the choosing
smelled the stem and checked for bruising
the instructions were confusing
looks from the people waiting behind me were accusing
but i've grown tired of all the losing
i took extra time to do some musing
to make sure this was the right fusing
the one i should take home

As I said, I'm doubling up today so that I can finish this book tomorrow and move onto new projects. This chapter was about choosing... based on the premise that if you could fall in love with anyone, how do you choose? I think a lot of these later chapters have had similar themes and I'm hesitant in sharing my thoughts on these topics because I feel they may be better suited for later chapters. Tomorrow's the last day of this project so I'll make sure to include any thoughts in tomorrow's posts. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 8: Advice

she thought she'd volunteer unasked for advice
i shot her a look of ice

Today's chapter was on bad advice or how every thinks they are an expert about love. I feel like I've already talked about some advice I received in a post earlier this week so I'll leave it at that. I might double-up my writing this weekend because I want to complete this mini-project. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 7: Meet-Cute

we met at mile zero
as the saying goes
sharing words as they come to us
trying to gauge the pulse of things
i knew i loved you at mile sixty-four
and wanted to see you more and more
to explore your thoughts on this and that
i became an acrobat with my phrases
creating hoops and jumping through them
i chose you at mile seventy-nine
inclined to make loving you my crime
and the evidence of my love 
would be plenty to convict and i'd pay the time

So today's chapter was on the "meet-cute" and I don't know if I've ever seen that phrase written out before; for sure I've heard it said audibly. I guess if you go on blind dates or do online dating, there's a clear memory of how you've met someone. But what if you end up with someone more organically? What if you can't actually remember the first time you met? The author had sorta a throw-away line about how in today's society, it's not about how you meet people, but it's about how you choose people (referring to the idea of online dating apps). I like the idea of knowing when you chose someone in real life. What was the mile marker? Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 6: Black Box

Black box
polka-dot socks
kicked into the corner on the floor
but she does not live here anymore
I cannot be bothered to pick them up
or pretend that that is not her cup
that sits unwashed on the coffee table
still stained by her lipstick
I switch from sadness to reminisce for a bit
and sit where she used to sit 
trying to remember the smell of her
the taste of her
the feel of her
but those memories are locked away
and gone with her

Black boxes from airplanes are really about how indestructible the memory is. It needs to survive a crash. The chapter today was about breakups and divorce. It lacked any mention of ice cream. I don't remember what breakups taste like anymore. Maybe I'm lucky. Maybe I'm in for a world of hurt. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 5: Worth

I tried so hard
I almost burst
trying to show you I'm worth
worth the time to sit and think
and sync your thoughts with mine
take more time if you need it
to realize I'm worth -- a diamond in rare earth

I'm not sure why in my head "burst" rhymes with "worth".  Today's chapter was on deservingness but I thought that was a mouthful to try to rhyme with. The chapter reminded me of some advice someone gave me on a night that was supposed to be honoring me. The context (for some reason) was give him advice on how to find a lady friend. I don't remember what she said word for word but it was something along the lines of work on yourself so that you are worthy of the girl you want to be with. To this day, that advice still rubs me the wrong way. Read into that however you'd like. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 4: Script

I wasn't paying attention and so tripped
and found myself back on script
following the rules of the game
following the rules to avoid the shame
of texting too often
and not waiting long enough
I buy her flowers and stuff
I counted five or so span
to once again dare to touch her hand
But now I'm resolved to get out of this rut
and look forward to jump the curb at the next short cut

Chapter 4 was about the classic love script and how it makes things easier because both parties are able to read ahead and know how to play it. For me, the more romantic idea is to have a love story that does not follow the script. But there are only a finite number of stories in the world... and maybe only 3 or 4 formulas for boy meets girl.

As an aside, I think the notion of "span" being a duration of time is something I got out of the Kingkiller chronicles. Span = 11 days apparently. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 3: Context

i couldn't imagine it any other way
i'd want you to love me every day
listen to the words i say
tell me things will be okay

i don't want to picture it differently
i'd want you to sleep next to me
i'd want to know you completely
no matter the context

So chapter 3 was about context and the author takes a more cynical view on love and marriage. She talks about her grandma and grandpa's marriage and concludes that she doesn't think her grandma would have to get married if she was born in this generation. I understand that the idea of marriage has evolved through time and the circumstances/situations that would drive people to get married have changed as well. But I find it very difficult to say what I'd want in a partner would be any different whether I had the luxury to marry out of love or necessity. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 2: Story

this girl was something of a mystery
she came with a story; a history
of glories and sorrows
i ask her to tell me the tale tomorrow
of the first time when she realized that she was mortal
a portal into a younger version of herself
i ask her the colour of the sky when she first fell in love
and the first song she heard when her heart first broke
i choke on the details
trying to consume all that i can
now that i'm applying for the role of leading man

Interesting. So in chapter 2, she recounts how her understanding of how her parents met and fell in love has evolved as she grew older and sought the "truth". I like the idea of story. As adults, we join people mid-story. Everyone has something they can share with you. Everyone has something they can teach you. In the area of love, I think the story angle is very interesting. The act of getting to know each other is a lot about understanding their story; their history. It's dangerous to dwell too much in the past, but so often, what has happened in the past has shaped who we are today. I see you. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 1: Right

There was nothing left to do
but to go right
and enter the night
with a skip and a story
the glory of the scene
setting up the next few years
talking over beers and peanuts
like time shaping the stream
but tonight lacked ice cream

So I'm reading "How to Fall in Love with Anyone" by Mandy Len Catron and thought it would be fun to write something about each chapter.  Chapter 1 discusses the concept of the "right person" and talks about different types of right: moral, narrative, etc. For a long time in my youth, I believed in the One. Pretty famous for it actually but then I transitioned to believing timing was almost more important. Maybe it's not about the "right person" but the right person for right now. Although I don't really believe that is a great answer either because picking a person based on the limited rubric of right now is, by definition, a losing strategy in the long run.

Tell me the story of how you met. Peace out.

The Problem with Pain

I lost all perspective
that's the problem with pain
like rain that makes you forget the sun
or an ache that makes you forget ever having fun
it blinds you from the future
and the hope of her

Haha. Weak poem to write about something I've been thinking about. When I was walking on Sunday (and drowning in discomfort/pain), I'd see these runners and think to myself, "I'll never be able to run like that again," cause the pain I was currently feeling made me unable to imagine a time in the future where the pain would be gone. I think there's something about pain that makes it hard for us to think of the future or the past; it's like we are trapped in that moment -- in the despair. I think I'm generally good at maintaining my perspective and remain calm; taking things in stride. I think the same effect happens with emotional pain as well. I think that's why I couldn't stop crying last Tuesday. I was trapped in the moment. Peace out.

tomorrow

i walked on clouds today thinking of you
even though my feet are like lead
and my calves tighter than i'd like
limping behind schedule as it is
but i smile and think of what could be
i dare to dream again
and put my hopes out into the ether
my wheelchair future
and a dream of late spring
flings and rings
and tulips bursting from the ground
i look around and see you 
there this whole time
rhymes cannot capture this moment
i throw off the laments
and look forward to tomorrow

Wanted to write something a little happier today. I'm still trying to process my 100k step success. I was told that completing the challenge showed my commitment. I'm not sure "commitment" is the right word. If it was only about commitment, there would never have been a doubt in my mind that I was going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if the word is determination or tenacity... but I doubted I could finish from mid-afternoon on but pushed through.  Perhaps I dared to dream.  Peace out.

Power of Lies

it is amazing

the power of the lies that we tell ourselves

enabling us to put one foot in front of the other

even though the pain is unbearable

we can juggle the paradox of impossible things

holding onto dreams from sunnier days

the things she says

twisted and remembered in a new light

saved as fuel in your battery for the next fight

the miracle of the tiny seed

that grows to help accomplish the next impossible deed

It's interesting to me how we can believe things that are not real. Examples include thinking that a girl will magically fall in love with you if you could run one more mile than you were able to the week before... or convincing your legs to move by imagining a scary dog is chasing you. We have the ability to motivate ourselves with lies. If I was feeling more optimistic today, I might have phrased it, "We have the ability to motivate ourselves with dreams." But what is the difference between lies and dreams? Perhaps it's the side of the bed you got out of that morning.

I did my 100,000 step challenge yesterday. I've been in pain all day. I can barely move. Ask me in a week if it was worth it. I'm feeling a little empty right now and have constant chills. Peace out.

Hidden Agenda - Item 6: Marry her

Now that we have a firm foundation made of bricks
we can now move onto step six
get down on one knee to propose a new thing
ask her to marry you and pull out the ring
that you've been playing with 
with the fingers of your mind
ever since the beginning of time
everything you've ever written was about her
the one there in the end
started as friends
walking straight paths and around bends
you chose to love her
and saw her for all that she is
touched her hand and held her heart
tasted her lips with that first kiss

Adore her even when you're not enjoying her

Marry her and you will see
it's just step one of a new journey

It's kinda nice to be done this little writing project on the eve of attempting to complete my walking project. And like all things in life, these projects are always a little connected. One inspires the other and the other sends ripples back in time to inspire the one... as though they are just different legs of the same table of my life; attempting to maintain a balance... to prevent all the things I'm building from crumbling down. What will I write tomorrow? Who knows? It's a new day. No way. Peace out.

Hidden Agenda - Item 5: Kiss her

Step five
feeling alive
grab the girl and kiss her

I'm pretty distracted today. I'm really just trying to conserve some energy and mental strength to prepare for my first attempt at 100k steps in a day on Sunday. I say first attempt because I'm not really confident that I'll be able to do it this weekend, but I'll give it my best shot. Peace out.

Hidden Agenda - Item 4: Hold her

if you're still keeping score
it's time for step four
hold her
so she can trust that you are there
smell her hair
get lost in her stare
be there for her through wear and tear
keep her secrets in your vaults
know her strengths and her faults
encircled arms around her
holding still through the motion blur

Not as in love today, but walking on sunshine.  "No way!"

Peace out.

Hidden Agenda - Item 3: Touch her

step three
is easy if you're so inclined
but for those who don't get past step two and only pined
to touch her
to graze hands as you walk the miles
or rub shoulders
a lingered touch that makes you bolder
if it lasts for a micro-second longer
you might have told her
but the connection breaks
and you wake from a dream of dreams
a walking dream perhaps
as you complete the laps around the possibilities in your head
imagining ways to say how you feel
you've loved her and saw her
but now that you've touched her
you know she's real

I kinda like this one. I wasn't sure I had much to write for this step. I'm starting to venture beyond my experiences. I didn't walk the river this morning. We'll never know if that walk would have fixed me or broken me beyond compare. Still pretty broken today tbh.

Today was the last choir performance and after as I was talking and saying goodbye to the choir director, I initiated a hug. I think I hugged her after the Christmas performances too. She might be in the top 10 people I've hugged in the past decade. But it felt like the natural thing to do.

Tune in tomorrow for step 4: hold her. Oops. Sorry! Spoiler alert! Hopefully there's enough of a difference between touch her and hold her. I don't have any solid ideas at the moment. Peace out.

Hidden Agenda - Item 2: See her

when your love is true
move on to step two and see her
do not overlook the obvious things
necklaces, earrings and rings
shoes and slight changes in hair styles
linger a while
and take photos with your mind
be kind and notice
the less tangible
see the things she is too scared to show you
see between the lines
recognize what is different this time
love her and see her with all you can
let her know you understand

This series is wrecking me and I'm only on step 2. I'm planning on 6 steps... and some of them are definitely steps I've never experienced and can only speculate what they would be like.

I walked the river this morning before work and thought it would be nice to take out my headphones and enjoy the sound of the river. River sounds were quite muted, but my thoughts were fairly loud. I leaned into the sadness and it pulled me. I was drowning as the day progressed and had to go home early. The things we do for art. I'm going to walk the river again before work tomorrow. I don't know if doing it again will fix me or break me beyond repair. Peace out.

Hidden Agenda - Item 1: Love her

the song has begun
restart from the beginning
start with step one
love her
in the rain and the sun
love her on your own
love her while you're alone
love her from afar
love her from iron to rust
love her like star dust
rare and everywhere
love her when she's not being fair
love her with blood, gut and brain
and then start the song over again

I have an idea for a new series. The idea is based on men always having a hidden agenda. I'm a man and have a hidden agenda written on a post-it note that I carry around. This is step 1. Peace out.

ice cream thought

riding the elevator
when i had an ice cream thought
an idea that can only be soothed by frozen dairy

It's weird. I'm weird. My idle mind wants to make me gain weight by driving me towards ice cream. I walk alone. Peace out.

Layers

she needed proof
so i pulled back one more layer of truth
to reveal a truer reality
something of a mystery
building in time
under the skin
beyond the asking
the questions too out there
but one step closer
to the heart of it

I've been thinking about the concept of levels of truth or layers of truth. I'm not sure if it's a fully formed thought yet. The poem is a little under-done and could use some more baking for sure.

Sometimes we tell ourselves things or our friends things and at the surface, all the words are true; but often times there's an even deeper truth that we are not aware of or we are totally aware of but decide not to share because it would make us too vulnerable. Sometimes the smile is the lie. Peace out.

permanence

it feels like before again
before there were other men
vying and dying 
i'm not sure what i was thinking
i need to forget the pencil and start the inking

There are things that we think are temporary but they are actually the new norm.  And other things can be erased and forgotten. It's hard to differentiate between the two though at the time. Peace out.

in the waiting

i spent my night feeling sad

missing things i never had

always putting her first

until i couldn't take it anymore and my heart burst

i thirst for another answer

another ending maybe

the stillness in the waiting

but it wasn't for me

I wrote this last night but didn't want to double up on the day. Yesterday was rough. No joke. Peace out.

lucifer season 1 spoilers

i've been invincible for so long
but you have made me weak
i walked alone
but now there's someone i seek
i allow myself to get shot in the chest
so i can rest on this cold concrete floor
i don't want to be vulnerable no more
and yet i still run to you

Just finished Lucifer season 1. I'm a mess and expect too much. Peace out.

golden hour

i'll meet you at the golden hour
and speak soft words in the softest of lights
you are my delight - my joy
meet me to explore the shore
and i'll prove to you i love you more

I've been thinking about what the best hour of the week is. In photography, there's this notion of the golden hour around sunset and sunrise where the lighting is softer. I think based on my sleep cycle and the north american work week that 9 am on a Saturday is the best time to spend with those you love. Fight me. Peace out.

In the Waiting

do you think of me in the waiting
when i'm not right in front of you
out of sight and out of mind
blinking in and out of time 
i only exist between the rhymes

I wrote a piece about this concept before that got me in a little trouble. Do you think about me when I'm not around? I'll never know. Peace out.

flying

i think of you in the waiting
abating breaths
the rests between footfalls
as i walk this storm
never allowing myself to lose touch with the ground
i spin round in my convoluted thoughts
refusing to jump
in an attempt to fly

Thinking about walking... So the difference between walking and running is that when you're walking, you never actually lose complete contact with the ground. i.e., at least one foot is on the ground at all times. When you run, you actually spend some time with both feet off the ground.

Almost done. Peace out.

The Dress

throw away the paper
the plan is plain
the dress is back
i see beauty again
shedding a foolish tear of joy
how dare they toy with my emotions
when the dress is gone for good
my tears will fill an ocean

Wanna know a secret? This is not about the Michael Kors emoroidered botanical-print dress; even though in many ways it is.  For only $395, I could have that dress in my life forever.  For weeks, I would see that beautiful dress on my way into work and seeing such beauty brought a lot of joy in my life. And then it was gone. I never thought I'd see it again but in exactly 7 days, the dress re-appeared on display... and I was really happy that it was back. But now I'm realizing that the dress will never be in my life permanently and that one day it will be gone for good and that makes me preemptively sad.

The dress is a metaphor for you. Peace out.

and so I walk (3)

You forgot
but I will help you remember
remember again to believe impossible things
to live in the dreamers' domain
go through the motions
until you love me again
I can't sit here staring at the clock
and so I walk

I just started season 2 of The OA.  Let's walk.  Peace out.

and so I walk (2)

and so I walk
until my knees are sore
and I wish I didn't own my feet anymore
yet you still do not love me
It will happen with the next step
I bet
or hope
dream maybe
mile after delirious mile
I continue to put one foot in front of the other
'cause I'm incapable of learning
and I refuse to burn it all down

Maybe this is a start of a new series... but without the fun of starting each one with the same line as I did with my Math series.  My body has recovered quite well after yesterday's 55k.  My heart though... Peace out.

and so I walk (1)

I cannot stop thinking about you
and so I walk
and talk to myself
daydreaming
scheming
imagining the different tactics I could try
walking past girls with their guys
with little coffee cups
where are they getting those from?
I cannot figure out this deadlock
and so I walk

Today was 55k steps.  I'm in pain. Not going to deny it.  I wish I was taking data as I was walking.  I would plot time vs. how I was feeling mentally and physically.  Surprising both of those ebbed and flowed. Yes.  I'm still nuts.  Peace out.

math (5)

i always consider you in my math
if i fail this time, i'll take another pass
sip some water and do my N plus one-th lap
the failed attempt will not be my last

i long to hold you
that is the task
all i need to do is learn the right way to ask

So I have a google speaker and it's challenging sometimes getting it to do what I want it to.  It's all in the way I ask.  Sometimes I have to phrase things unnaturally because I know that it worked that one time previously.  I'm still learning.  600! and just as cryptic as ever.  Peace out.

math (4)

i always consider you in my math
you and everyone else makes two
there's the you and the not-yous
the shadow players
the ones in the back mouthing "watermelon cantaloupe" 
so the cameras think they are real people with real thoughts
i have practiced enough to believe impossible things

there are two women in the whole world
and i chose the only one

Cherry picking ideas today.  Love Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass.  In it there's a line when Alice is talking to the (White?) Queen and the queens says, "Why, sometimes, I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."  Believing impossible things just takes practice it seems.  The other inspirational idea comes from the movie Big Fish.  Jenny is talking to Will about his dad and says, "See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else..." 

Pulling out the big guns today.  Tomorrow is (probably) 600.  Peace out.

math (3)

i always consider you in my math
in fact, i don't know how i told time before you
before i was able to mark intervals between seeing your smile
the time we spend together is measured in miles
my fluttering heart quickens my feet
i must remember to slow down to cherish you

Math (3) baby! I wasn't sure I was going to be able to find time to write today, but the beauty of being on day 300 on Friday on Duolingo and writing (probably) my 600th poem on this blog on the same day is too fun a coincidence to pass up.

Three more sleeps til 45k. I was excited when I did the math. If I stick with my 5k steps more each Saturday plan, and I started my first Saturday at 35k, then by the week I do 100k, I would have walked a total of 945k steps. If I assume I do 1,700 steps/mile, then I would have walked 555 miles. Unfortunately, the Proclaimers song requires me to walk 500 miles and then 500 more before she will actually love me. Oh well... maybe there's still time? Peace out.

math (2)

i always consider you in my math
you are the variable to optimize
and i am the constant on the other side
we balance each other
reciprocating 
i get down and ask on one knee
let us try for infinity

 As I was taking a stroll down this blog yesterday, I was reminded that there were days when I kept writing poems with the same title to see if I could rift on the same idea and see where it takes me.  This one's a little more hopeful.. and stands out like a sore thumb.  Three more 'til 600.  Peace out.

math (1)

i always consider you in my math
i think of you in the shower, the bath
i laugh and cry
i admit it but will always deny
this feeling that i'm trying to hide
the feelings that cannot stay just inside
they break through the surface
like my torn meniscus 
from the miles i put between me and you

I'm doing the math.  This is my 599th post.  I've never observed any big milestone posts on this blog before.  I guess it was because this new few makes it more obvious how many posts I have on here.  Unfortunately, I have at least 4 posts on here that do not have any poems, but then there's also one with 2 poems... so this is the 599th post, but only the 596th poem.  Make sure to come back for my 600th poem.  I promise you that you will not be surprised by what I'll write about.  Peace out.

Walking

i keep putting one foot in front of the other
not sure if i'm walking towards you or away
the way i can't tell if you even hear me 
or understand the things i'm trying to say
i wave them in the air 
as if the words would float
and find connection with you
why do i feel like i've been here before?
tracing old paths
locked behind doors
the gated garden
the park bench
i put one foot in front of the other
i'm spent

Walking is romantic.  And lame at the same time.  I have the desire to do 100k steps in a day on my fitbit.  I don't know if it's possible.  It seems just beyond reach.  This past Saturday, I did 35k.  It was enough to acquire the next fitbit badge in my collection and it was a distance that felt safe.  All the reading I've done on walking (sigh... I can't believe I read about walking) said that you should slowly build up your mileage.  I want to add 5k every Saturday and see what sort of wall I hit.  To do 35k on Saturday, I did about 5 hours of walking.  I think if I could run some of it, I'd be able to do it in less time since my running cadence is much faster than walking.  Peace out.

illegible

i play the slow game
took two weeks to learn your name
i hold my breath while you are gone
humming bars from a new song
i wrote the notes in my illegible hand
so that even i cant revisit them when this is over

I started carrying a little book around with me to capture ideas so I don't lose them.  I misplace my ideas often.  Or maybe all I really have is the same idea over and over again.  Peace out.

another day

i hate the world today
but i love you
or at least the idea of you 
the idea that i create over and over again
i assemble the pieces
into a picture of you and me
no matter what the logic dictates
or what the fates say
i mould it 
and form a reality that works
i hate the world today
but i'll love you for another day

I write the same piece over and over again.  Am I getting better at it?  Is my new found disdain for capital letters genius?  When will I be happier?  Peace out.

Lying

I haven't had a good night's sleep since I met you
I'm tired but I'm trying
If I said I tried my best, I'd be lying

I couldn't sleep last night and I procrastinated too long to write today so it's a lot shorter than I planned.  Maybe I'll come back and write some more on some other day.  Probs not. Peace out.

mannequin

mannequin 
i cannot win
why is this a thing
i walk by you at the mall
you make me feel so small

It's one of those days where really I just want to talk about mannequins and just put a 1/4 attempt at writing the poem.

Now that I walk through the mall everyday on my way to and from work, I'm worried about how it's affecting my brain and what I think (or know) about the female form -- I'm seeing a lot of naked mannequins.  Lol.  Will my male brain's love of nakedness override the surprise of seeing a real naked lady that doesn't look at all like a mannequin?  Peace out.

rushing

how much time have we wasted
kicking stones
dancing around questions
with clever phrasing
cute answers with double meaning
we ignore the signs
time after time after time
did we delay our happiness
or maybe we just put off 
our inevitable catastrophic ending

I've been playing with an idea in my head lately.  I wonder if the longer you wait to start dating someone (as if you have all the power in the world to date someone), if that means you are delaying your happiness and are missing out on opportunities for joy OR if you're just rushing into the highly probable end to that romantic relationship and therefore your friendship as well.  Peace out.

giant

you might as well be a giant
is there even a point in starting?
plotting
planning
designing 
i can't see past the horizon
but i can't walk away
i guess i'll live in your shadow

Sad.  Peace out.

You

i dont believe in us anymore
loving you has become a chore
turn back
check the score
clearly i loved you more

I just finished You on Netflix.  Sigh.  Peace out.