April Shower

April Shower

One day you’ll see me
I’ll be wearing my black trench coat
You’ll be the girl drinking coffee
Watching me from the window as you sit in the corner of your favourite café
I put away my umbrella as I step out of the rain
My hair is slightly damp from the cold April shower

I am late but hope
That the newspaper-wrapped flowers in my ink stained hands will buy your forgiveness
You immediately stand up and give me a hug
My hands drop the bouquet to hold you better
It has only been two days since your sister’s funeral
I have no words for you
My plan ended at tulips
You drink your coffee and I note the silence

Lol. This piece started off very differently from how it ended up. After writing the previous piece “The Smile that Breaks Your Heart”, I wanted to write a happier piece. At first, I was the one drinking coffee in the café and a beautiful girl comes in, slightly wet and mostly gorgeous. I was listening to the Celtic Women version of “You Raise Me Up” (as made famous by Josh Groban) at the time and I wanted to write a hopeful piece describing a beautiful/romantic event in the future. But after crafting the piece a little more, I decided that it would be better if I were the one outside and slightly damp. I then decided to make it a darker piece. I’m not sure why. I toyed with having the boyfriend die instead of the sister (to tie in with the previous poem) but I decided against that. I really like how the piece starts rather light and happy and then switches over to a heavier mood and then just ends awkwardly. What do you say when someone’s sister dies?

Anyways, you may have noticed that I referred to this thing as a “piece” instead of as a “poem”. I’m not sure what I’m doing can be called writing poems. Maybe my next piece will have a rhyming scheme. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

The Smile That Breaks Your Heart

The Smile that Breaks Your Heart

He sits there motionless beside me
I am terrified
I’m too scared to even look at him

I wanted to be alone but fate had him find me
He sits there, not knowing the power he has over me

And then you come onto the scene
Time stops while it waits for me to catch my breath
Does he even notice you?

We instantly become the only two people in the room
Now it is you that terrifies me
I immediately stare at my feet
I cannot look up because I know
Because I know that you will look at him
You will look at him and smile
And I’ll know that I have lost

I don’t know. The concept of this “poem” is to express the pain you experience when you watch the girl of your dreams and she doesn’t even know that you’re alive, but hopefully with a new twist. I’m sure that when I run out of ideas, I’ll resort to talking about that from a normal, more conventional view point. However, I wanted this poem to have a mysterious feel to it. I want the reader to be guessing at what the poem is about til the very end… maybe having the reader reread the ending to get it. I wanted to talk about the fear of watching “the other guy” smile at her and having her smile back at him. I’m not entirely sure I’ve captured the emotions in this work. Oh well, this poem might get a rewrite in the future because I really like the concept.

What I Have Learned By Now

What I Have Learned By Now

It is late and I stand by my window
Outside it is dark but I am not concerned with the outside
I look inward to my room
On the wall hangs a portrait of a forsaken love
On the desk lies kisses that should have never been sent
In my heart...

In my heart there rings a love song
A song intertwined with tears
With tears that know not their purpose
Tears that are only controlled by gravity
Falling and falling toward a nothingness
For a nothingness
Not knowing who
why
what for
These are the questions that my tears ask
These are the questions that torment my mind
But my heart only knows to cry

The battle inside rages on
The wisdom of the mind versus the yearnings of the heart
The logistics of living versus the foolishness of love
The preservation of self versus her happiness
Her happiness
That is what this has always been about
Her happiness
That is what I truly desire
Her happiness
As unattainable as the stars in the sky
As mysterious as the formations of frost on the cold windows
As desirable as water to a journeyman in a never ending desert

I have learned many things but nothing as prominent as this:
Love is never wrong and so love never dies
These are the words that love lives by

Well, this software has been giving me problems already so I'm not sure how long I'll stick to this site for my wonderful poems. So, as you can see, I've started this blog so I can post some weak poems that I haven't written yet. Hahahaha... pressures on now.

What I have included in my first post is the very first poem that I had written that wasn't for school. It was written on April 26, 1999 and it's titled "What I Have Learned by Now". At that point in my life, I was rather interested in an artsy girl and that made the engineery guy in me want to be more artsy. I actually got inspired to start writing poems again because I saw a special on muchmoremusic about Sarah Slean. She is this singer/poet/artist... and one day I'm gonna marry her!!! Just kidding... I don't even think she's french. Anyways, so hopefully this will be the first poem of many.

p.s. I am aware that "engineery" is not a word but as a poet, I will take the liberty to make up words as I go.