Train

Train

Today I took the train
in hopes of seeing you
and yesterday I took a plane
to start fresh, anew
And tomorrow will soon be here
but there's nothing else for me to do

Whenever I have to fly, I always hope that some hot girl will sit beside me. I've never had it happen... no offense to the juiced gorilla that sat beside me yesterday. He was very cordial, but he was no hottie. There's never a hottie. It's just a myth, an urban legend. Peace out.

Airports

Airports

airports
reunions and separations
we stand in lines to be scanned
and sit on chairs in large open rooms
waiting and waiting
for joy or sorrow
yesterday and tomorrow
and the planes continue to fly

Yup. I'm here in Calgary now. I was thinking about airports yesterday. Is there any other place where there is such a wide range of emotions? No one is super full of joy or devastated going to the super market. Airports are places where loved ones are reunited and it's also a place where family members are separated. Hospitals are another place with a wide range of emotions and it's obvious why without listing examples.

I don't understand how people can work at airports. I think it would be so emotionally draining. People understand that working at a hospital can be emotionally draining but we don't immediately think that when we think about people who work at airports. Maybe it's just me. I tend to get sucked into the emotions of the people around me. It's my super hero power... empathy. Yeah right. Peace out.

Sweaters and Shoes

Sweaters and Shoes

I traded tears for fears
and then tears again
Bartering my feelings
for some wise thoughts
the "ought"s
and "have to"s
I pack sweaters
and I pack shoes
Trying to predict the future
I gaze down the dimension of time
and wonder where life is taking me
or if I'll just end up hitting rewind

So today was my last full day here for a while. I don't know how long really. That's one of the things that is making it harder... harder for me to wrap my head around things and harder for me to pack appropriately.

What causes homesickness? Is it real or something in our heads? Can people really be homesick in these modern times with the interwebs and the emails, and the text msgs and the video chatting? What is it that we are missing? Is it the sense of being home? The tiredness that comes from being "away"? And what is its cure? Redefining home? Forgetting what home is like? A beautiful girl? Peace out.

Suitcase

Suitcase

My suitcase
doesn't have infinite space
I pace the room
and debate
What can be left behind?
How much to pack for how long a time?
I look
but find no answers

I hate packing. That's not something new. I don't find any joy in packing and the decision making that is involved. I've always hated packing... not just because I'm leaving for a longer time than I'm used to. I hate packing for trips, for Winter Conference, Spring Retreat, and all other packing in general. It's sort of like trying to tell the future. I put things in a bag because I think I may need them in the future. I can plan and plan and I can easily be wrong. Yes, even I can be wrong.

I think a lot of people are fascinated with the idea of packing. I think the question, "if you were stranded on an island, what so-and-so would you want to have with you?" is another way to approach the idea of packing. What things do you value in your life? What things do you want with you? What things in your life have less value? What's in your suitcase/backpack? And what have you decided that you can leave behind? Peace out.

Black to Grey to White

Black to Grey to White

The shades and tones
change to match the age of bones
My youthfulness fleeting
There's no cheating father time
My hair goes from black to grey to white
sleepless nights and zombie days
a hazy existence of this and that
Doing what we're told to do
we put our noses down
and go to town to earn that buck

My mom noticed that I had a white hair today. Is that the first of many because I'm getting old? Or is this stress turning my hair white a strand at a time? Who knows. I wish I had more time. Peace out.

The Missing

The Missing

The missing comes before the leaving
tears, tears and anti-lock breathing

Why is it that we can't cherish the moment?
We dwell in the past and fear or long for the future
Tomorrow comes without invitation
Yesterday, a destination your life can never get to
They told me to leave and just forget you

But the missing comes before the leaving
Tomorrow is another season

I've always felt like I'm a person that doesn't really miss people. I love people. I enjoy their company. I want good things for them. But I usually don't miss them. Some may say "out of sight, out of mind", but I believe it's something more than that. I watch shows like Survivor or Big Brother and the contestants make it seem like such a big deal to talk to someone from back home because they've been gone for 3 whole weeks, and I never seem to understand that type of emotion.

On the other hand, I'm someone who hates the leaving, the final goodbyes. I always cry. Old Faithful here can be relied on to shed at least a tear even if it's someone I have no reason to miss. It's just the goodbye and the anticipation of the goodbye really messes me up. The last days of a trip/visit are always emotional for me... but the day after the "separation", life goes on and I don't miss them. That makes me heartless. Right here... the heartless fool crying in the corner. Peace out.

Dark and Cold

Dark and Cold

I feel the night so dark and cold
yesterday now just a thought
I thrust my chest and feign bold
ignoring everything I've been told
I never do what I ought
until the sun does rise
never learning things I was taught (Edit: change to "never practicing things I taught" Oct. 20/10)
I close my eyes
deep in thought

ABAABCBCB. Gotta love it. And I need to learn it. It's gotten fairly cold lately. It seemed just like yesterday that I was able to run outside in shorts. We seemed to have crossed over to the cold part of autumn. The winds are so cold and unforgiving. Winter is coming. Peace out.

Blinkers

Blinkers

I put the blinker on
and changed lanes
Things are happening so fast now
and I'm no longer in control
Forced to follow the flow
unable to get out
I don't have a say on where I go

I feel as though I have some major decisions to make in the near future. I think everybody can look back at their life and identify some critical decisions that they made - the watershed moments of their life. Sometimes I feel like making a big decision is like deciding to change lanes in heavy traffic. It might be a while before you can change lanes again. You just get caught up in the flow of traffic and you lose the option to fully control what you do. You might not be able to make a right turn when you want to cause you can't get over in time. You might be forced to go faster than you wanted. You might be forced to leave some things behind - just blurry objects in the side windows. Yikes. Peace out.

New Eyes

New Eyes

I never liked it
and assigned it little value
but now I see it with new eyes
and it cuts me to the heart

I think I might have something with this title already. Oh well. I wanted to write about how in my personal life (is that redundant?), I have had experiences where I hated things and thought they were of so little value and so little use and then later, be convicted the other way. And then I would start crying. I did that one time, awkwardly at a noodle house in Vancouver when I shared about how wrong I was about the movie The Passion of Christ... and I did it again today in my quiet time when I read Jer. 29:11. I never liked how the verse was used. I always felt that the verse was referring to the Israelites exiled in Babylon and not to modern Christians. I'm still not sure how I feel about it but when I read it today, I bawled and bawled and bawled. Luckily I was home alone on a Saturday morning. Peace out.

Present

Present

The present is so small and slight
my feet barely fit on it as I stand
In this small space, I place my hands
on the walls that constrict as my lungs expand
Trying to let go of the past
that haunts me and weighs on my heart
and a crippling fear of the future
ready to move, but unable to start
unwilling to let myself dream
or believe
but when I'm dancing with you
I have the courage to try
close my eyes and learn to fly

Yup. Watched Smallville today. I had a different title for today's piece. It was the name of the episode and spoilers, but I thought that would mislead google to direct people to this site. It's nice to finally see Clark doing a little flying. Baby steps. Peace out.