spark

i can't get past this dish
a pasta dish served cold
i wish and wish
you'd break the mold

the patterns seemed to have been set
i lost the bet it seems
i go through reams of paper
boxing myself even further into the corner
i just want to hold her once
before the pumpkins are harvested
and i walk to work in the dark
and i walk home from work in the dark
i stopped her before we could even start
mumbling something about protecting her heart
spark

This is classic me around this time of the year. Give me space and grace. Peace out.

boxes

the shadows in the night feel so unfamiliar
now that i've unpacked the final box
i choose to walk and walk and walk
trying to tire myself out
i give an internal shout and sit up in bed
with ideas racing through my head
craving sushi
who is she
"to know her is to love her"
and i've lost before i've even started

I finally unpacked the last box.  It only took me 11 months.  Challenge completed.  I've had the same shadow in that corner of my condo the whole time I've lived here and now it's different.  Peace out.

Gaunt

I was happy before I met you
at least that is how I remember things
but how is it I can't stop thinking about you
where are you now?
who are you with?
will we ever be together again?

I have been hungry since I've met you
never satisfied
always wanting more
I cannot be satiated
I have gone gaunt
you are all I want

I'm really just writing this to remind future me that I read "One Day in December" by Josie Silver around this time in my life. I should not be allowed to read romance. Peace out.

for me

for me
loving you has meant it is always raining
not that i am complaining
what is the big deal about getting wet anyways
unless maybe it is on days likes these
where circumstances has gotten me to my knees
and i think that maybe this should be easier
and maybe if you would just be here
and tell me it is going to be okay
and tell me to say what i have been wanting to say
because it will not scare you away

for me
loving you has meant you are always reigning
and i am just your future in training

It feels like it has rained here everyday this summer.  I bought some carrot cake oreos and decided I would save them for a rainy day.  I finished the last one today.  Peace out.

hope

hope is the sharp edge I keep cutting my finger on
it's the song that I play over and over
thinking that it might end differently
that the part after the bridge will change
hope is the thing that messes with my brain
thinking it's romantic to walk in the rain
swinging on planks suspended by chains
and I think maybe 
just maybe I should try again
and again

I was thinking of this piece as I walked to work today. I was thinking about the idea of a hopeless romantic.  Lots of people are romantics and unfortunately more than a few people are hopeless but what makes one a hopeless romantic? I guess I'm proposing it's the inability to learn and the ability to heal just enough for the next cut. Peace out.

Onions

i chased her again as i do
and pierced through the layers
learning about her more and more
as we explored together under the sun
it begun
the process that changes two people to one
there's no going back now
and it's not hyperbole
this is the science of chemistry

So I got it in my head to see what eating a raw onion like an apple would be like. I was able to do two bites before it started to not sit well in my stomach. I gave it some time and tried to take a third bite but by then my brain had caught up with me and I instantly spat it out. I ended up caramelizing the rest of it and eating it with hot dogs.

It made me think of chemical changes. Something changes permanently when you cook it. It becomes something different; something new. And in the case of onions, something a lot more palatable for me. Peace out.

HTFILWA CH 10: Devotion

i tried to prove my devotion
and started throwing rocks into the ocean
the waters began to rise as if in slow motion
and yet i'm nowhere nearer to your heart
but i made a start with this rock
i moved away from talk and showed some action
i need more of you; i want satisfaction
to demonstrate my devotion was extraordinary
that i should be your permanent contemporary

Finally done the book and this mini-project. The last real chapter of the book with new content was about devotion. It made me think of menial/minor tasks that people do to show devotion. What's more idiotic than trying to raise the water level of the ocean by throwing rocks into it?

This book had a central backbone on Arthur Aron's 36 questions. None of them are magical on their own and there's not really any magic in the list. It's about talking about things that matter and learning things about your partner beyond surface level ideas. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 9: Choosing

i was perusing
reading the fine print before the choosing
smelled the stem and checked for bruising
the instructions were confusing
looks from the people waiting behind me were accusing
but i've grown tired of all the losing
i took extra time to do some musing
to make sure this was the right fusing
the one i should take home

As I said, I'm doubling up today so that I can finish this book tomorrow and move onto new projects. This chapter was about choosing... based on the premise that if you could fall in love with anyone, how do you choose? I think a lot of these later chapters have had similar themes and I'm hesitant in sharing my thoughts on these topics because I feel they may be better suited for later chapters. Tomorrow's the last day of this project so I'll make sure to include any thoughts in tomorrow's posts. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 8: Advice

she thought she'd volunteer unasked for advice
i shot her a look of ice

Today's chapter was on bad advice or how every thinks they are an expert about love. I feel like I've already talked about some advice I received in a post earlier this week so I'll leave it at that. I might double-up my writing this weekend because I want to complete this mini-project. Peace out.

HTFILWA Ch 7: Meet-Cute

we met at mile zero
as the saying goes
sharing words as they come to us
trying to gauge the pulse of things
i knew i loved you at mile sixty-four
and wanted to see you more and more
to explore your thoughts on this and that
i became an acrobat with my phrases
creating hoops and jumping through them
i chose you at mile seventy-nine
inclined to make loving you my crime
and the evidence of my love 
would be plenty to convict and i'd pay the time

So today's chapter was on the "meet-cute" and I don't know if I've ever seen that phrase written out before; for sure I've heard it said audibly. I guess if you go on blind dates or do online dating, there's a clear memory of how you've met someone. But what if you end up with someone more organically? What if you can't actually remember the first time you met? The author had sorta a throw-away line about how in today's society, it's not about how you meet people, but it's about how you choose people (referring to the idea of online dating apps). I like the idea of knowing when you chose someone in real life. What was the mile marker? Peace out.