Saturday, March 29, 2014

Giants

I'm not one to break the rules
My thoughts resonating in Bb minor
I took a trip to see her
and braved a plane to find her

Late March snows degrade my vision
I sneeze and blow out candles
the handles of dreams that last through the day

I say silly things
in baby-talk voices
Wondering if she can hear me
Wondering if I exist when I'm away from her

The delusions of grandeur
thinking myself clever in machines I devise from words
Like the nerd that I am rereading the Potter series
Writing in the shadow of giants

I've been writing bits and pieces of this on the train in my head for the past week.  I've been meaning to write more this year although I have not been very successful.  I've been meaning to do a lot of things.

There are these chalkboards by the train station downtown and someone writes quotes on there.  Today, I read, "A man who doesn't make mistakes is likely a man who doesn't make anything."  Peace out.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Home Home

The words are changing
with each crashing wave
Redefining the moment
the chosen words lose their intentions
as speakers reinvent them
to represent anew
things we've seen and heard
they merge into shifting vowels
and hard consonants 
I pick up my pen and pout
missing home home

I've been listening to a new Audible lecture series on the Secret Life of Words.  There was a chapter on creating new words and originally I wanted to write a poem where I invented all these new words using the methods described... I didn't do that.  I find making up words hard so it seems.  So I decided to end today's piece with a reduplication instead.

When I was growing up, I don't think anyone really promoted being a linguist as a viable vocation.  It's a shame because I find words so interesting.  For example, the thought that the meaning of words shift with time and with usage makes me wonder if anything I write will be read totally differently in the future.  Or the thought that accepted pronunciation may change with time... I hate change.  Don't even get me going about how interesting I find the Northern Cities Vowel Shift phenomenon.  Peace out.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Batteries

I stay up late 
to recharge the batteries of an introvert
soaking up the silence
revelling in solitude
my mood - walking the line
I find the time to think deep thoughts
and resolve to swim down the lose-lose river one more day
I say to myself it gets better
as the weather warms up and the pavement is wet with the winter melt
I sell myself a song
and long for spring
like a singer trying to get through the last verse before the bridge
the melody rises and the chords change
rearranging the game and breaking the rules

During my visit home for winter break, my sisters and I got obsessed about a song cover that I had found on Youtube called Summer Sadness by Lana Del Rey covered by Daniela Andrade and Gia Margaret.  It has just the right balance of sadness and beauty.  I bring that up because it's what I'm listening to right now as I write this.

One of my new year resolutions was to write more.  After doing nanowrimo last November, I really was reminded about how much I loved to write and I think I really enjoy the short form of this blog a lot more than trudging through trying to write a novel that I haven't outlined.

I've been feeling so drained the past few days.  I haven't been getting a lot of sleep now that I'm back into the work routine again after 2 weeks of staying in bed until 10.  Plus, the past 2 days, I've been getting home late from work because I've had to attend work dinners.  Today's piece is about how staying up late to actually have some alone time is probably going to do me a ton of good as an introvert.  Peace out.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Light Goodbyes

One month into fall
I let her go
My summer flower
Showers have turned into light snows
And I know it's futile to fight it
I winterize and make myself air-tight
Yesterday was a rough night
Fevered dreams, burning
Yearning for resolution
The comfort of clarity
I clutch my pen too tightly
I walked away and said goodbye too lightly

I wrote this on the train this morning on my phone.  I know.  I'm wonderful.  It's amazing how many things can get done when I have something I actually need to do.  I wrote the NPPE today.  I had such a productive weekend and still managed to go over 900 pages of information (hardly any of it was on the exam by the way).

I'm thinking about taking part in Nanawrimo this year.  I've heard about it for so many years now.  I always dream of writing the great american novel.  My fear is that I'll end up writing about things I know... my life.  I fear that I'll be like Dawson rehashing his high school years with Joey in everything he makes.  I fear I'll be Jesse writing about that one night in Vienna that he shared with Celine.  I fear and fear.  Peace out.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Ransom

Love
I fall in too quickly
and crawl out slowly
Limping through life
Too short to reach my dreams
I scheme and bargain
Trading hopes for expectations
frustration holds me hostage
ransoming my youth

Just some ideas I had that I wanted to write down.  Peace out.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

This Again

Loving you was a test I studied for
dog-eared chapter four
listened to paramour
Put my hours in everyday
memorized the lyrics
knew all the words to say
Prepared my heart
and fixed my past
vacuumed the floors and cleaned the glass
I'm ready ready for my chance

This again.  I know.  Sigh.  Peace out.


Friday, September 13, 2013

9 THEs

I miss her and the missing
Oops.  I meant the kissing
The imagining 
The what-if hypothetical situations
The winning and the losing
The bruising
The night before the last time I saw her
The burning desire
The fire
The river of feelings
The remaining days of the season

I'm not sure to be honest.  Writing while consuming netflix does not make for coherent thoughts.  Peace out.




Monday, September 9, 2013

The Jar

The optimist says it's the light at the end of the tunnel
The pessimist - the goal that can never be reached
We seek for hope to find
We die in ditches waiting for relief
I jumped hoping to reach the stars
Only to fall short again
Hope - remains trapped in the jar

The reference I'm making in this piece is rather obscure so I'll spell it out more clearly as a favour to my future self.  I just started listening to an Audible book today that is a series of lectures on Classical Mythology.  One topic covered today was Pandora and her jar (not box).  The jar contained all the evils of humanity and when she opened it, they were released to the world... but only hope remains in the jar.  The professor asked what that symbolized.  Is hope good or evil?  I say it depends.  Peace out.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Bones

Can't we just bury it?
This bone of contention 
keeps coming back
Always finding its place in the top three
on our whiteboard as we keep score
Who hurt the other more
That thing you said two years ago that haunts me
Still making me doubt my worth as a man
Questioning if I can see you with new eyes
Ignoring all the other guys that once found themselves
here
I fear this
I miss the easy days
Before all this decay set in
When our smiles were perfect
and had nothing to hide

I find it so hard to not be keeping score in my relationships.  I wonder if that's because I always think I'm on the winning side.  Maybe people who don't have a tendency to keep score are the ones who are on the losing side.  Does being the bigger person count if you keep it away as ammunition for a fight later?  I have an early meeting tomorrow.  Peace out.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Streams

I keep falling
colours and promises
into the same thought patterns
mountains and valleys
about the things I've lost
rivers and streams
things I used to boast about
milk and cookies
I weigh more today
pancakes and syrup
but I'm so much less

My mind has been juggling a lot lately.  At work, I'm juggling so many projects.  My underlings think they are juggling a lot and I tell them I'm juggling 3x what they are.  I stopped weighing myself everyday at the gym.  It got to a point where I was obsessed with the numbers and it didn't really matter all that much because they would fluctuate.  I thought going to body measurements would cure me of my obsession.  Today I discovered that my left thigh is bigger than my right thigh... even though my measurements 2 and 3 weeks ago indicated that my right thigh was bigger.

I'm rambling now.  What makes a person more or less?  I dunno.  Am I only worth as much as I value myself?  Or is my self worth the sum of the worth people have placed upon me?  Or is a person only as good as his word?  Do words have value?  And how expensive are apologies?  Peace out.