I don't dare

I don't dare
to fill this silent air
with sounds of typing
mechanical keys clicking 
and clacking
the act of documenting
transforming thoughts to morphemes
and words and sentences
Let's tell ourselves lies
the ones we are so eager to believe
Close your eyes and enter 
imagining the feel of her hand in yours
the simpleness of one boy and one girl
finding each other
in this imaginary
make believe world

There.  I've done it.  Don't say I never do anything for you.  My insanity is captured for all to see... or at least for myself and the unexplained traffic I get from the Philippines.

Today was inspired by a few scattered thoughts.  The idea of faking it until you make it... or tell yourself you're happy until you are actually happy.  Hogwash.  Peace out.

revisit

I revisit the idea
the hearing
the things that we said to each other
when the weather was fairer
I challenge the wind
with puffed chest
taking a break from my usual slouch
I massage the thought in my mind
I'm in danger of getting lost again
no - not this time

Watching scary movies on tv.  Regrets and regrets.  A dark house and lonely cats that want to hug you through doors.  I've been trapped in a thought lately that I haven't been able to shake.  Someone has incepted it in my mind.  It's not over; but I did make it another day.  Peace out.

Sliding Doors

Sliding doors and missed airplanes
a second there; a universal change
I walk the jetway alone in this world
this place and this time I didn't get the girl

Is there solace in thinking that in some other parallel universe, I get the girl?  Or is it worse knowing that I'm the wrong me.  And that maybe another me is happier?

The multiverse/parallel universe idea is very interesting.  You have to really believe in infinity.  There are just so so many possibilities.  Would the distribution of happiness for everyone (individually) look like a normal distribution or are some people just generally screwed (on average) in all the universes?   Peace out.

Sans Coincidences

twelve or more months
came in and out without incident
no coincidences
or reasons to call home
i roam the streets alone looking
for a gleam of light
or a great burger
a rock anthem and a girl in ballet shoes
time sprinting and slowing down
I didn't know this was something to fear
but 2016 was a lost year

I just realized this month that I didn't write a single post in 2016. That was the first year I hadn't written anything on here for an entire calendar year since 2006.  That's a little crazy.  We'll see if I write more this year.  I must have not been in love last year.  Is that sad?  I dunno.  Peace out.

Mermaids

I sang a song for her
I made a go of it
Dreamt kisses and yogurt with strawberry chunks
I drunk the kool-aid
and believed in mermaids

I searched for her in the waves
and found the rocks

It's fun to be fake in love.  And it sucks to have your fake heart broken by a fake love.  Haha. I've been reading a lot lately and reading inspires me to write.  Funny how that works sometimes.  It's been a while since I've been here.  Sometimes it feels like I'm always just visiting.  Maybe I'll stay a little longer this time.  We'll see.  Check out my now dead vegan blog in the sidebar.  I haven't been completely dormant.  Peace out.

Ex Hunter

I used to be young once
with a hop and skip
and the capacity to be happy

Trading songs for smiles
Major moments in time
I barely hear the music now
Minor annoyances at best

I rest my eyes
and wash the salt off my face
I'm uncomfortable being pursued
and don't have the heart to chase

Spitting truth today.  Unbelievable truth.  I guess it takes some truth to spit to get me out of my semi-retirement.  The other day I read "Pride and Prejudice".  Look at me say, "the other day" as though I read it in one sitting.  I didn't. It took me a few days to read it.  There's a passage near the end of the book where L. B. contemplates that she doesn't have the same capacity to be happy like her sister J. B.  And that even if she were in the same circumstances that J. B. would be far happier than she could ever be.

Had a pretty emotional day at church today.  Maybe more on that later... or maybe never.  Peace out.

Long Winter

I keep catching myself
holding you so
in the space between thoughts
as if it was my default position
I autocorrect my focus
A locus of ideas bubbling to the surface
Popping my mind back to reality
A different shade of grey than yesterday
Time beats on too slowly to notice
and yet too quickly to keep up
I brace myself for a long winter

I dunno.  Another long weekend where I felt like I needed to write something at the end of it so that I felt semi-productive.  Peace out.

The Key

You were immune to my prose

my rhymes bouncing off your chest

violets, roses and tulips

I had to strike the chord

to cut deep

to reach your heart

notes floating through the air

mastering the wind

It turned the key

and you let me in

Art is art right?  Or is one medium harder than another?  Is one medium more powerful than another.  Today I'm retreading ground on an idea I talked about before:  How writing poetry is for the people not talented enough to write songs.  I know that is probably not a popular opinion amongst all my avid poetry fans but it's something I hold to be true.  Maybe I've put song writing on the pedestal next to her, but wait... how did I get back on the topic of her again?  Peace out.

Old Song

The taste of imitation lingers in my mouth
like ringing in my ear after a loud boom
the metal spoon rolling between my fingers
dexterous distraction
firing nerves from my hand to my brain
fake cake and wax candles
edible lies and good intentions
my stomach craves authenticity 
electricity
and the taste of an old song

Spoiler alert:  The title gives it away.  I'm not on a diet in case anyone assumed that from today's piece.  And I didn't have any cake today.  Today is a good day to talk about fake things.  Or maybe not fake things but things that are not as good as what they are trying to be like.  Well, maybe they aren't even trying to be like them, but they just get grouped with them... What am I talking about?  I'm talking about hearing a song that makes you want to listen to this other totally more awesome song.  Or watching a movie that reminds you of another better movie.  Or reading a line in a book that makes you totally want to read all 3 books from a different author.

How do the mediocre survive in a world with superlatives?  Peace out.

Blank Cheque

I write to you as one of the ordinary
with feeble phrasing and loose rhymes
I spent the past few weeks looking for words
how do I capture your beauty this time?

With memorized words, you enthrall me
tickling the corners of my mind
I play a song
trying to do the same thing for you in kind

I'm lost
I'm a wreck
I've put my neck out
and written you a blank cheque

I watched Forrest Gump the other day.  What is it about that movie that just captures my imagination?  And do I feel so awful after because I'm jealous of all the great things Forrest got to do in his life?  I dunno.  Jenny where are you?  Peace out.