Let's Talk

Let's Talk

Let's talk
as we walk through the woods
picking up sticks to use as canes
last night's rains still gathered in puddles
beside the trail
The woods never fail to inspire the silence
that comes when one feels so small
It's fall and the coloured leaves litter the ground
we came out here to talk but the leaves are the ones making the only sounds

Lame.  I haven't written in a couple days and I just wanted to write something.  Peace out.

time and time and time

time and time and time

everything you do is wrong
you strummed too fast for this particular song
nothing you do is right
thinking it's day in the middle of the night
you can't win by design
there is no reason or rhyme
just time and time and time

give it another shot
you might think you're getting the hang of it
but you're not

I was thinking a little too much today.  When I realized that I was thinking too much today, it got me thinking of the saying, "Don't think about it.  Just do it."  That is the typical advice that I get, being a thinker.  But then I was thinking about the other people on the other side of the spectrum - the people who don't think before they act.  They are given the advice, "Think before you act."  So it just seems like we all just do life wrong.  If you're a thinker, don't think.  And if you're not a thinker, think.  It makes me feel that any advice and the opposite advice has an equal probability of being the correct advice.  I don't get it at all.  Peace out.

Wrong Cheek

Wrong Cheek

I can't trust my eyes
and I don't hear things with much accuracy
My version of the world is flawed
It's as though I'm looking at it through uncut diamonds
distorted
and unclear
worse than trying to write looking in a mirror
I shed a single tear
and wipe the wrong cheek 

Our view of the world is so flawed.  I know mine is whenever I look at a picture of myself or record myself singing/playing guitar.  My initial reaction always is, "is that what I look like?"  or "is that what I sound like?"  I wonder sometimes if I'm actually right and that I shouldn't be swayed by these imperfect recorders.  All recording devices are flawed too and they can't capture reality exactly.  But I concede that probably both are true:  the recorders are imperfect and so is my view of reality.  It's weird though because an outside observer should be able to see reality as it is.... unless it's another person or another recorder - both would be imperfect.

I'm awful at doing things while looking in a mirror.  I can figure out left from right, but my depth perception is awful.  Peace out.

Digging for Gold

Digging for Gold

You raked the leaves
but I dug for gold
The work is good
to help beat the cold

I searched for meaning
deep deep underground
surrounded by dirt
but still no gold was found

So I've been reading John Piper lately.  Something I read today hit me.  I don't remember it word for word but he said something like, "Raking is easier than digging, but you only get leaves.  Only by digging can you hope to find diamonds"... or something like that.  He was referring to the studying of the Word.  I dunno.  This is too deep for my silly blog.  Peace out.

Rain Again

Rain Again

I played a song this morning
I've missed the song
and I've missed the playing
the rain always threatening
the clouds just a few shades too light at the moment
leaves sit in puddles from yesterday's precipitation
and the grass is green in the crisp air of fall
I sit by the phone and wait for a call that seems
to haunt my waking hours
It never rings
but here comes the rain again

These dark, wet days are pretty exhausting.  They are perfect days to just stay in bed with a good book, read some pages of the good book, and then go back to bed after just a few pages to rest your eyes because they feel so heavy.  It's supposed to be a fair bit warmer and dryer in the next few days.  I guess that means I can go for some runs outside again.  I can't wait to turn my runners into treadmill shoes for the winter.  Running outside in the cold air hurts my jaw, ears and neck.  Peace out.

fight

fight

fight until the day turns to night

for a chance to feel joy

fight until the stars go back to bed

she might fall for this poor boy

work for the stuff you get

live without the annoying regret

I dunno. I just wanted to write something. Major garbage today. I just thought it would be interesting to follow "crime" with "fight", but that's about all the creative visionary inspiration I had for the day. Peace out.

Crime

Crime

I hid it somewhere safe so I wouldn't lose it

and I forgot about it with time

Out of sight, out of mind

I forgot all about you

what a crime

I was looking through my drawer today for something and I found or re-found a note that was written to me on a cue card. I think I've found this card several times throughout the years. I dunno when I got it. I wanna say she wrote it to me when I was 10? Maybe 11? I haven't really had any contact with her in forever. I think I've talked about her in the past. I tried to look her up on Facebook, but the profile that I think is most likely her has a dog as a profile pic. Oh well. Peace out.

Beck and Call

Beck and Call

I found joy in the memory

but I found even more in the anticipation

I caught your eye for once

but I want to catch the eyes of the nation

I danced the dance

but I'm starting to lose my patience

I'm waiting for you

to be becked and called at your convenience

I went over the 10K videos viewed on my Youtube channel today. The pessimist in me says that means that 10000 people clicked to watch my video and clicked away after the first 2 seconds. The optimist in me says that they stuck around for at least 5 seconds. It took me roughly two years to get these views. Sad. My views have been carried by my Duane Steele and Ashley Parker Angel covers. Yay me. Peace out.

easy to hard overnight

easy to hard overnight

why is it that

things are easier when you can't?

lying in bed - 2 AM

with ideas to change the world

things to do to change your life

places to go and people to see

but you can't

It's 2 AM

and nothing can be done

it will have to wait until morning

when things become hard once again

I think a lot of people can relate to today's piece. Things seem so easy when you can't actually do them. I know that I've had brilliant plans to wake up and run in the morning when the air is fresh and the heat of the day is not so oppressing, but I hardly do. It's hard in the morning. I just came back from a run, and the whole time I was running, I was thinking, "I'm gonna get home and do this and this and this" but when I got home and sat in front of my computer. It all seemed so hard. And I seemed so unsure.

Hmm... Maybe things aren't easier or harder. Maybe your level of sureness changes. I'm gonna call that girl. I'm gonna apply for that job. I'm gonna tell them how they make me feel. I'm gonna reach out and ask for help. We've all been there... lying awake at night, running 10k, driving home and we have grand schemes. We can see the future or so it seems. But then when it's time to "act", it seems so hard and you become so unsure. If only I could bottle sureness, I would find a way to sell it and profit. Peace out.

Like a Knife

Like a Knife

I haven't aged a day since I met you

but my hunger continues to grow

Your beauty, like a knife, has run me through

but I'll never tell and you'll never know

Here's a secret. I love this girl who used to be a tv star but now is a movie star slash tv star. Originally I had her name in this post, but I decided to take it out. I like the mystery. Ha. I was trying to remember when I first saw her and when I first liked her. It got me thinking... maybe we don't age when we like someone. Well, maybe I don't age when I like someone. It's as though, I'm trapped at that age, unwilling to move on... to grow up and put her aside. Of course, I'm not talking about this star anymore, but no name will be given as usual.

Actually, I don't think I'm phrasing things very well. I don't mean to say that people don't age and grow up. Maybe it's more like they want to revisit that memory all the time and in a way, they continue to go back in time to try to relive that day and to feel those feelings again - the feelings of yesterday. I suppose that's only something that people do if they don't get the girl. Otherwise, they would just live in the present with the girl in their arms. *sigh. Peace out.

I Don't Know the Stars

I Don't Know the Stars

I won't lie

I don't know the stars

They are a mystery to me

random lights in the night sky

I am lost

I can't find my way

Waiting for the light of day

to find my way through all the frost

I don't know the stars. It's a cliche that is found in a lot in books where people find themselves in unfamiliar lands and look at the stars and the stars feel foreign to them. Or maybe they return home from a far away land and is comforted by the familiar constellations in the night sky. I only know the big dipper and orion. I guess if I couldn't find those constellations in the sky, it would feel weird, but that's the limit of my familiarity with the skies. I don't even know if Orion can be seen all year round. I'm gonna guess that you can, cause I can always find it... but it's not like I look for it all that often. Peace out.

Burnt

Burnt

My imagination failed me again

I couldn't rewrite history with any flare

I only remember things as they were

It leaves me cold in the arctic air

And again I wonder if things would be better

if forgetting is something that can be learnt

Yesterdays memory forever erased

and I would forget how I was ever burnt

I was thinking about memory again today. Something that I like to think about from time to time. As though I revisit the idea to see whether or not I've subconsciously come up with something new. I was thinking about my memory and how I might not have a good memory. Maybe I just have a bad imagination. Maybe when I try to rewrite history (like everybody does), I just end up accidentally rewriting it "correctly" by accident due to my lack of creativity. I think that is an interesting concept. I do not not forget things. I'm just not imaginative enough to remember the wrong things. I'm not necessarily saying I think that's the case. It's just something I had fun thinking about today. Peace out.

Who Wants Pie?

Who Wants Pie?

Rose hips, tulips, finger tips

and chocolate milk

I remember them with rhyming schemes

machines of words

that make things easier to recall

mnemonics of a sort

I close my eyes to count the days

an imaginary finger tracing the calendar

marking an X on the past

I smelt the future the other day

it was fleeting

like a scent caught up in the wind

It smelled like jumping up and down

a joy yet undiscovered

like a pie that is still baking in the oven

I'm not sure what this is about. I'm a bit scatterbrained today with my thoughts all over the place. In my real life journal, I was rambling on and on about so many random disparate thoughts. I really think it's about time for some pie though. Peace out.

Productivity

Productivity

Turn off the lights on your way out

and lock the doors

You're no longer needed here anymore

and the things you did can go undone

we decided you weren't needed in the long run

The role you filled will sit empty

another empty chair at the meeting

The meeting room is not as full as it used to be

but surprisingly we haven't lost any productivity

I saw a news story a few weeks ago concerning job creation in the current recession. Even though orders are up and production is up, job creation has basically stayed stagnant. It just goes to show that in yesterday's world, companies needed to hire more people to get the same amount of stuff done by less people today. Companies were just bloated with a lot of dead weight. And now that they've cut the dead weight, they can be just as productive without having to hire more staff. Perhaps the current staff is being overworked or perhaps efficiencies have just been improved. Who knows and who is willing to admit that they were inefficient in the past or are currently over working their employees because they are too scared to hire more staff? It's lose-lose to admit one or the other. Peace out.

The Easy Life

The Easy Life

I told myself I could do it

That there was no way I could have blown it

I know the answers

and I'm good looking

I smell nice

and enjoy the cooking

All these things filled up many books on my shelf

Life is easier when you believe the things you tell yourself

I've been reading alot of the series that I've enjoyed growing up. I recently read the Lord of the Rings series and just finished the Prydain Chronicles today and started up on Narnia. Sometimes I wonder if the people who are successful are the ones that believe their own hype. Is the hero a hero because he tells himself that he can do it and believes it? I guess it goes both ways though. Maybe a villian is a villian because he tells himself that he deserves to be the king and believes it. Maybe any character in the story that believes the things they tell themselves get lines and the ones that don't, don't even get mentioned in the story. Hmmm... Peace out.

Wanderer

Wanderer

I wander

retracing my steps

inevitably in circles

Dancing

is no means of

quick transportation

A ghost

that moves objects

and scares the children

Today, I read book 4 of the Prydain Chronicles: Taran Wanderer. When I was growing up, the local library didn't have this book so I never got to read it until I was much older. I could guess what happened in the book from the goings on of book 5 but it was nice to finally read it when I did get my hands on it. Actually, when I read it for the first time, it felt like I'd read it before. The story already felt familiar and yet still had some surprises. Spoiler alert! Taran tries to find his parentage (hoping that he is of noble blood because he wants to marry Eilonwy, a princess) and along the way, he spends some time with a "father" that just wanted help around the farm, he tries his had at smithing, weaving and pottery. And at the end, he doesn't find out who his parents were but decides that he will ask Eilonwy to marry her anyways. At the end of the day, no matter who the boy is, he wants to marry his princess. That was in no way the moral of the story but it is true nonetheless. How much longer am I to wander? Peace out.

I'm like the Rain

I'm like the Rain

I put my fingers to work

thinking that busy fingers

will bring my heart to rest

I keep the lyrics on my lips

thinking that busy lips

will help me pass the test

Of preventing me

from telling you too much

before it's time

I'm not ready

and neither are you

The beat is steady

and I'm like the rain

So far today, I've read half of the Prydain Chronicles. I'll probably finish the rest of book 3 tonight and try to read book 4 and 5 tomorrow. They are quick reads. I must say that I'm thankful that I own them and can read them whenever I feel like it. How many boys grow up wishing their were princes... longing for the hand of the red-gold haired princess? Peace out.

Stories and Tales

Stories and Tales

revisiting the stories of my youth

the girls that were the models of my dream

clashing swords and riding stallions

once the wanderer, now the hero of the scene

these pages have a familiar feel

like walking home again after a long day out

those tales were just stories for kids

but they're still what I think that life is about

I watched Disney's version of The Black Cauldron today. I've never seen it before. It was alright. They combined the stories from The Book of the Three and The Black Cauldron. I totally didn't picture Gurgi like he was depicted in the movie. I thought he was a bit larger and hairier and dirtier. I dunno. I want to read the Prydain series again. I finished The Lord of the Rings just recently. I think I'm in a mood to read all my favourite series again. Maybe Narnia can be next.

I think if there was a fictional character that I relate to the most or want to be the most is Taran from the Prydain series. That's my crazy ego talking. Taran was a nobody that saved the world. That's totally me. Peace out.

this bag

this bag

this bag is heavy

I've carried these hurts for too long

I've buried my feelings

in the chorus of this song

this song that I play

every single night to the stars

I strum my guitar

as the horizon travels from Venus to Mars

this bag is full

and it's tearing up my back

I need some friends

to come along and pick up the slack

This piece was inspired by some of the lyrics I caught from a song from tonight's season finale of Rookie Blue. I don't remember what the lyrics were but these were the feelings that I held on to to write today. I wonder if the show will get picked up for a second season. Peace out.

Dreamer

Dreamer

I'm a dreamer with a crippling sense of reality

A pendulum swinging between hope and dread

The sugar I consume goes all to my head

and power my thoughts as they run back and forth

from one side to the other extreme

I'm a dreamer with a crippling sense of reality

as though I dare to fly only while being shackled to the ground

I'm terribly shy even though no one's around

and my thoughts continue to run in circles

periodic waves of varying frequencies

I'm a dreamer with a crippling sense of reality

I can warp the facts to help me or harm me

I believe in predetermined fates and imaginary destiny

and my thoughts continue to go on and on

It's like I hit repeat-one on my player for this familiar song

I was just reading my new journal/diary. I only started it a while ago so it doesn't take much time to get through it at the moment. Maybe it's my vanity but I've written some great thoughts. I think it's a great start for a screenplay. Of course, it's not like I want my life out there in the ether but I think the read is interesting. It's artsy and not. Contemplative to an extreme. And it will go with me to my grave... or make me a star on Youtube. I dunno yet. Peace out.

- ease

- ease

Like water seeking level
I'm seeking for Your peace

Close or open doors

Your love for me will never cease

I'm seeking for Your will

like Gideon and his fleece

Help me find a calm

as You help my anxiety decrease

I wish I knew what I was doing with my life. But I'm trying to seek the Lord's peace in my life and find the sweet spot in His will. Things would be so much better if I was there right now. I find myself babysitting my phone and hoping that it rings and hoping that it never rings. I really want to write a song. It's as though something in me feels like everything would be alright if I could just write a song. I can't explain it. I need to do the impossible to feel better. Peace out.

Violins

Violins

I wrote a song today

It rhymed

It was about how love fades

with time

I wrote it in the key of E minor

a little sad with a pinch of haunting

It's something I would love to sing

but unfortunately it's played by violins

I didn't actually write a song today. I wish I had though. Instead, I reviewed first year circuits and some second year circuits. Woe is me. I wish I had spent that time trying to write a song. So yeah, I didn't write a song today so I lied in my poem. But it's not like that's something new. Most things I write are fake or at least not true enough to be true. Ha. What's with me and my "ha"s these days? It's like I'm in love with them. Too bad they can't love me back. They're just like boats in that way... I also caught some parts of "Failure to Launch" yesterday. Boats can't love you back. They're just boats. Peace out.

She's Gone

She's Gone

She said to me, "write me a song"

I took too long and now she's gone

Had the lyrics but no melody

the rhythm and the notes forever a mystery

I keep them a secret - even from me

I promise myself to start forgetting things

text messages. topaz rings

hazel eyes. heart breaking smile

but I think this will take me a while

Let's see. What happened today? Oh yeah. I watched Camp Rock 2. I had this crazy urge to write a song after I watched it but I went for a run instead. Oh well. I could always write a song some other day. Ha. Peace out.

Harder these Days

Harder These Days

Things come harder these days

as though the wheels are no longer greased

The paper has been folded too many times

I can no longer hope to get out the crease

The air is changing with the seasons

the leaves dance around on the streets

The autumn rain is cold and damp

You can't beat Father Time - he cheats!

I remember a time when things used to be so easy. I have a great memory so those days seem just like yesterday. I guess I wasn't paying too much attention because at one point or another, things got harder. Nothing is automatic anymore. My knees aren't 30 yet but my heart feels like it is and I have to practice saying that I am. Thirty. Thirty? *sigh. Peace out.